Tired of crying and learning to thank.

Tired of crying and learning to Thank.

I'm Elhoim Leafar, in 2015, I auto-published my first book, I had to auto-publish it, because, in my native country, we were going through one of the worst crises. There was no paper in the printing presses in my native Venezuela.  Paper (including recycled paper for newspapers), clothes, everything technological, everything is imported. The only things we have on our own are vegetables and gasoline and that’s at a high price.I had to pay for the editing and correction, the spelling, and hundreds of other things. More than 65 publishing houses were closed in five years and the bookstores began to close because they did not have the money to pay for the constant taxes and salaries of the employees.

Leave a country in full bankruptcy, leave my own little apartment, my two jobs, my brand of handmade soaps, my daily routines, my family and almost all my friends, my temple and my coven, all had to stay behind. From the favorite restaurant, half a block from my apartment where I had lunch every day for seven years, to the gym two streets and much more.

I embarked on a trip full of terror to an unknown country. With only two suitcases, I got on a plane, carrying with me no more than my passport, a ticket that cost nine months of work, my tarot deck, my runes, my Kindle, my grimoire, my grandmother's and mother's grimoires, and a bunch of old diaries full of homemade spells and spells.

I probably will not be back for some time, I am officially a "non-welcome person" in Venezuela. If I even put a foot back, I will probably be immediately sent to prison for having signed, marched, and manifested my opposition to a communist government I cannot even communicate with my parents and my sisters by phone or Skype without the calls being intervened, I cannot send them money or anything, I have food on my table every day, but they are struggling, taking turns every day to find food to eat. My papa has lost 36 kg and my mother 25 kg. My nephews eat in turns, one eats one day and the other eats the next. Besides, my nephews are autistic and the drugs and their treatments are no longer in the country. It is not even a money issue--it is that these simply do not exist, In fact, people with cancer and HIV die almost to be diagnosed, because all the foundations that helped have closed, the pharmacists have left the country, the popular pharmacies have collapsed.

A few days ago, I had five minutes of peace to speak comfortably with Papa on the phone, thanks to a friend who helped me connect a call without interventions. As I have always said, I honestly believe that it is easier to traffic weapons or marijuana than to send food to Venezuela, and I am not joking.

Two days ago, Venezuela experienced an exodus. 45 thousand people left the country by air, sea, and land in only 24 hours and the next day another 25 thousand people left. My parents have no way to get out and besides, they are too old to risk embarking on a trip crossing the border as we have done others.[JI1]  In the last 72 hours, nine airlines have said goodbye to the country. Sometimes you simply learn that you cannot fight certain things and that alone you must follow.

For five minutes talking with my papa, he made the effort not to worry, I know that my family and my friends are dying of hunger (literally) and that from here I cannot do anything, even my mother, who is a recognized and very popular healer has lost many of her clients, because they have left the country. Before my mother had up to 200 people in line waiting to be served by her, now, she does not attend to more than two people a week and they pay her with food. This is very depressing.

In spite of everything, I have obtained immense strength to continue, the most important of all has been the lesson of taking this opportunity to leave and take advantage of it in the best possible way. I have turned those old newspapers into my new book, The Magical Art Of Crafting Charm Bags. I have turned this whole nightmare into an important life lesson.

I have made incredible friends here, Judika Illes edited my book, and that is an honor, I suppose that if I had stayed in my country that would never have happened. Her support has been like a warm embrace on a cold night. Devin Hunter. Wooow, in my country I complained about not being able to buy his magazines on Amazon because of the expensive change of currency ($ / Bs). In Venezuela, I could not read Devin's magazines or Storm Faerywolf’s books, but here I can buy and read his amazing (REALLY AMAZING) books comfortably in the library that is closest to me and even from my Kindle. Now, ALSO, my book has an incredible foreword by Devin Hunter and a wonderful review from Storm of my book. I would never have imagined that 😱 So amazing!

To meet such fantastic people here as Lady Rhea Rivera, Alexander Cabot, Paul Mercurio, Rhiannon Lenore Morgaine Christie, and Lilith Dorsey—each of them in their way has contributed something. They have brightened my days and taught me a lot.

When I lived in Venezuela, I did not know how strong I was. Maybe I still do not know. I came from a very large family without any privilege, with few resources. When I graduated from high school, I had to delay university for three semesters, while I kept two jobs simultaneously to be able to pay. My advertising career, and over time, while the country was getting worse, I simply settled in and started to live better, have an apartment of my own, a great job well paid, took my free time to write on my blog and do my books, I wrote occasionally for some magazines and participated in several covens.

Here in the US, I have literally started from scratch, started again from below, and endured all sorts of things. I have to learn a new language, learn the complicated tracks of the New York City trains, even receive racist comments from some neighbors (although I respect their right to be real idiots), and adapt to the climate.  Never before had I lived through a winter or even a spring. I had never seen a tulip nor squirrels. Here even the spirits speak another language. That is something that no one teaches you in books and your spirits must learn along with you and adapt.

Some things have not changed so much. There the president is an ignorant communist, who does not even know the number of states that the country has and who hasn’t finished high school. Here is a machist, racist and homophobic pig with complexes of divinity. But despite all the changes, I'm about to meet my first two years here, and I'm learning, knowing more and more extraordinary people everyday, like Michael Butler Smith, Mat Auryn, and probably soon Adam Sartwell and Christopher Penczak and many others.😌

When you have had everything and you have lost so much-- and you have had to (voluntarily) lose so much-- you learn to be grateful, more grateful every day for everything in your way. Good things or bad things, at least they are in your way. That is an indication that at least you continue on the road, and from where I come, that is more than enough.

Simply over time, you learn to draw strength from where there are none, learn to be stronger, to embrace people with more and more love, because you never know when you will see them for the last time, and you learn to trust more in the stars that guide you. You learn to say, “Thank you” for every stone in the road. In the end, all those big or tiny stones, will eventually become the walls of your castle.

Thank You... Always.

Note: Thanks especially to Judika Illes for correcting most of my work and always providing me with her good advice and all her support.